This morning was a doozie. It started off somewhat calm, and normal, but quickly escalated into something that made me turn into Mama Monster, which then made me have extreme Mama Guilt for the rest of the morning.
I got hit with Mickey Mouse because no jackets fit (mind you, he was WEARING a fleece-so, yeah kid, your jackets aren’t going to fit over that). A temper tantrum then pursued–and all threats of discipline fell on deaf ears.
Of course, I’m thinking the entire time I’m throwing these threats around that this will actually punish ME more than HIM because I will be at home alone with him this afternoon and evening. Insert the beginning of Mama Guilt.
But the doozie wasn’t any of those things. The doozie was, when my little five year old was getting out of the car, I told him I loved him, as I do every morning. And you know what he did? He looked at me and said nothing. He said nothing! The door closed behind him and tears welled up in my eyes.
He didn’t say I love you back.
Talk about a Mama feeling like a failure moment.
When I was in my twenties and even when the hubby and I decided it was time to grow our family, no one could have told me how to prepare for these kinds of moments. No advice, no opinions, no experience could have prepared my heart for the hurt that moments like this fill in your mind, body and soul.
There are lots of moments like this–and I know there will be many more. I mean, I’m only just beginning.
So, here’s the thing.
I’ve been that mama that has left a cart in the store and carried a screaming child out. I have been that mama that has sat at iHop (because my little boy loves iHop and I was trying to treat him) crying into my pancakes, putting all the food (untouched) in to-go boxes and carrying two (TWO) screaming children out. I have stood in our church vestibule with two children crawling over my feet, misbehaving — at CHURCH–with no words to say to them. Only tears would come and only tears streamed down my cheeks. I have packed up literally EVERY SINGLE TOY in the play room and locked them in the attic.
I have felt like a failure.
Why do I write all of this?
Well, because I KNOW I am not alone. Because in all of those moments – something has occurred to show me I’m not alone. And I write this because, these words might just be what some Mama needs to read today. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I have had a store employee walk quietly behind me and tell me not to worry about the cart–to take a deep breath and do whatever I needed to do to calm the crazy monster. I have had a family at the next table attempt to entertain my crazy monsters while a waitress helps me to box up the untouched food. I have had women walk up to me and simply HUG me–no words, just a hug–while tears are streaming down my face. I have had people walk calmly behind me and help me to pack up all the toys and place them in the attic.
And I KNOW why they do it. Because they’ve been there. They KNOW no words are going to help at that moment. They KNOW no advice, no opinions, nothing–but quiet action–are going to help settle your heart in that moment.
So hang on Mama. Tomorrow is a new day. And the little monsters may have decided to be tyrants this morning, and maybe into the evening…but the little monsters will also give you BIG KISSES, lay heads on your shoulder, tell you sweet dreams, because YOU are their Mama. And, no matter what they say or do, they LOVE YOU.
2 Drops Geranium, 3 Drops Grapefruit, 1 Drop Lime.
According to Reference Guide for EOs:
Geranium Properties can be antidepressant and a relaxant.
Grapefruit Properties can be antidepressant and a stimulant.
Lime can be restorative (and come on, just smells oh so good).
Lift your spirits with essential oils and find the rest of the day fall into place. I also apply topically to my heart, Joy – when inhaled brings back memories of being loved and cherished. I apply topically to my wrists and neck, Stress Away -which is a blend formulated to help relieve everyday stresses and tensions so you can live a healthier and happier life, and finally, I apply Progessence Plus to my upper arms because, let’s be honest, maybe sometimes the fault of tension does not lie on the Little Monsters, but instead, on Mama’s hormones.